How Children Respond to Severe Stress, and What You Can Do

Intervention with a child at an early age is extremely important. If a child is exposed to continuous violence without intervention, it could result in indifference to the threat of violence. Sometimes it results in the child taking dangerous risks and looking for violent or even deadly situations.

Without hope for the future, some children and adolescents may try to gain control by seeking out life-threatening situations. To them, it doesn't make sense to be careful if they think they might die at any moment.

When a child is directly affected by severe violence, like losing a loved one or friend, the task becomes difficult. It is important to know how a child will react to such circumstances and how one can help move them through the pain, grief and loss of hope. Some children may not cry at all and they usually don't ask for help. Some may want to sleep with parents, some may be fearful of going to school or going outside, others may run and hide. A parent's or caregiver's response to stressful situations influences a child greatly. If a parent is anxious, fearful or angry, children may tend to mirror these responses.

Some of the most important ingredients in helping our children deal with violence and fear are within our abilities. Creating a friendly and trusting environment are most important. Take necessary precautions to provide a safe environment for your children, both at home and in the community.

Some suggestions are included on the following pages to help you create the sense of trust and security children need. By following some of these simple rules, you will help build a strong foundation in your child's emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

In The Home

• Hug your children at every opportunity and tell them you love them.
  
  
• Eliminate violent behavior completely from your home, among adults and children. If punishment is necessary for children, use the time out approach. Yelling, hitting and threatening only increases the fear and instability of a child.
  
  
• Show your children the many things you do to keep them safe. Install fire and smoke detectors, lock the doors, make them wear seat belts.
  
  
• Eliminate guns from your household. A gun in the home is 43 times more likely to be used to commit homicide, suicide, or an accidental killing than it is to be used to kill in self-defense.
• Help children deal with their anger and frustration in a constructive way. Tell them it is okay to express their anger, but not in a violent way. Teach your child to use words and then walk away.
  
  
• Listen and speak with children about their fears and concerns, don't belittle or ignore what they say. If your not sure how to handle a difficult situation, speak to a teacher, clergy, counselor, or family friend who you trust.
  
  
• Talk to children of different ages separately. An 8 year-old may raise an issue that might be too difficult for a 4 year old to understand.
  
  
• Be consistent with family rules and schedules. Feed your children on a set schedule, do homework at the same time each night, designate a bedtime and stick with it. For older children, set a curfew and enforce it religiously. Consistency creates a safe, caring environment for children.
  
  
• Develop positive rewards for your child. Don't always focus on punishment when a child doesn't behave properly. Studies have shown that positive enforcement is much more powerful.
  
  
• Monitor the television shows, movies and video games your children play. It has been proven that violent media effects children's behavior significantly.
  
  
• Don't let children 5 and under watch the news. But if they see or hear about a violent news story elsewhere, explain what happened as honestly and with as little graphic detail as possible. Reassure them they are loved and safe.
  
  
• Teach your children self-respect, respect for adults, and respect for other children. Instill spirituality and morals to help children understand that each life is precious and important.
  
  

In the Community

• Make sure children are protected and safe if you live in a violent neighborhood. Simple steps, like walking or driving your child to and from school will help to create a safer environment for children.
  
  
• If your schedule sometimes prevents this, organize a parents group within your neighborhood to alternate supervision to and from school.
  
  
• Have your child draw a map of your neighborhood showing the places where he or she feels safe. This will alert you to possible dangers in your neighborhood.
  
  
• Identify safe houses, safe playgrounds, and after-school opportunities in your neighborhood that are monitored by parents, citizens or law enforcement officials.
  
  
• Create an "Elder Watch" in your neighborhood. Enlist the retired folks or those who are home daily to help monitor and protect the children in the neighborhood.
  
  
• With murder increasing every day in our communities, it is important to keep children from viewing murder scenes or violent situations. Seeing a dead body or someone in distress can traumatize your child and it could lead to severe nightmares and increased fear.
  
  
• Get involved with parent support groups in your neighborhood. If there is not a support group, contact one of the agencies on the National Hot Line list to receive support or guidance on how to start one.
  
  
• Get involved with a church family for support and encouragement. It is a double blessing for both you and your children.
  
  
• Form partnerships with your child's teacher, doctor, pastor and others who might influence your children.
  
  

Back to Child Safety Book Table of Contents